And maybe I should re-name this blog “Lindsay Never Runs” because 2 months later, I’m back in the same place. Let’s rewind…

In early March, I started seeing Dr. Levine, a pseudo celeb in NYC running-land, for ART and Graston that really helped my leg. After a few weeks of seeing him 2x/week, I was seeing awesome progress. I also stopped cross-training because I thought spinning might not be resting my IT enough, and I wanted to get back to running ASAP. I finally eased into running…with no pain! I gradually worked my way up from a mile a few times a week (so. out. of. shape.) It felt SO good to reunite with my friends on the bridle path, and kickstart my day with some fresh air and sweat.

In mid-April, I had worked my way up to a long run of 6 miles (!) pain-free. While I was huffing and puffing slowly through Central Park, at least I was out there and nothing hurt. Times were good, friends!

In mid-April, I also got a bike and started bike commuting to and from work.

It’s teal and it’s perfect.

If you’re a fellow resident of the Upper East Side, you can empathize with how terrible the 4/5/6 train is each morning. My commute to work down on Spring St is easily the most rage-inducing part of my day, as the subways can be so ridiculously slow and crowded. Including a 10 min walk to the subway, my commute can take anywhere from 30-50 minutes depending on the day. It shouldn’t. However, it takes ~30 minutes to bike door to door and is so much nicer (except the part of 2nd ave where the bike & car lane are one. eeee).

The night of my bike’s one week birthday, I was riding home from hanging with my sister who was in town from LA for work. It was around 10 p.m., but still plenty of cars/people outside. I was biking up 1st Avenue in the bike lane, and as I approached 79th street, the light turned from green to yellow. I went through the yellow since I had full momentum on the bike.

Well, the cab heading east on 79th street had a different idea as he went through his red light, likely in anticipation of the light turning green soon. In the process, he hit me and knocked me off my bike. Thankfully, I was wearing my helmet, didn’t lose consciousness, or visibly break any limbs or worse. I even tried to get up and insist I was fine, I was only 9 blocks from home after all, but felt shooting pains in my lower back and side when I tried to lift myself up.

And so, kind strangers helped get me to the sidewalk and called me an ambulance. They helped me call my friend Noelle who lives close by, who met me as I was in the ambulance and came to the hospital with me and called my sister.  Even though I knew I was okay physically for the most part, I couldn’t stop bawling. It was so scary, I don’t think I’ve ever been in an ambulance before?

I went to the ER (thanks, kind staff at NY Presbyterian Cornell!), bike and all, and got checked out. Thankfully, they thought it was just extreme muscle soreness and nothing was broken– I left close to 3am, prescription for pain meds in hand. It hurt to walk and bend, so I didn’t leave my apartment for 5 days. I half-worked from home on Thursday and Friday just to combat my boredom and feel productive.

Day 4. Still on the couch. BOO.

I can’t express how thankful I am for the support of friends and family who kept me company when I couldn’t get out of bed or move far from my couch and delivered delicious things like flowers, Pinkberry and cupcakes to my door. Who walked with me from the 24/7 pharmacy to my apartment at 3:30 am so I wouldn’t have to leave the next day to fill my prescription. Who put up with me when all I wanted was extra sauce on my chicken parm hero and Luigi’s forgot it. Who brought me bagels and coffee while we were glued to the couch watching Boston coverage. Who came with bottles of wine and food to have a girls night in and plot my return to Boston ’14 (more on that another day). Who delivered my laptop from the office and a 6-pack and pint of ice cream. (Guys, I’m literally not moving from my bed, I don’t need any more food. But I’ll eat every last bite, thanks.)

And everyone who sent amazing emails, texts and tweets wishing me well and offering to help in any way. That meant the world to me! There is no better feeling than to know you have a large support network in such a big city that often times still doesn’t feel like home. And the biggest shoutout to my mom, who spent all of Wednesday cleaning my apartment, doing my laundry, and making me food. She is the best and I’m thankful to have family so close.

I returned to work (slowly) on Monday, still a bit out of it thanks to the Percocet. I went to my primary care doctor to get a referral for x-rays, as the sides of my ribs were a bit tender and I hadn’t felt that immediate after the accident. We also did a saline injection on the primary spot of pain in my lower/mid back which seemed to help alleviate some discomfort. Which was good, because on Thursday night I had vacation plans to head to Iceland!

Reykjavik

Not gonna lie, the pain put a damper on the trip for me as the pain is pretty constant with every step, but I had a blast! Until one morning I was stretching out my back muscles and felt a ‘pop’ in the side of my rib cage followed by immediate shooting pain. I immediately thought I popped a rib out of place and panicked. There were tears and lots of ice packs, followed by slow movements the rest of the trip. I decided to wait it out until I returned home since I was scared to go to the ER in a foreign country and didn’t want to miss out on vacation.

Gullfoss Waterfall

Blue Lagoon + beers? Heaven.

We flew back to NYC on Monday night, and once I got back to my apartment, weirdly came down with a high fever and terrible aches/chills. Because I’m a symptom Google-r, I was immediately convinced my dislocated rib had led to an infection in my lung like pneumonia and I was dying. I tried to sleep it off but woke up at 3:30am and felt terrible. So, at 4 am I checked myself back into the hospital so they could take a look at my ribs and do an x-ray immediately. And because I’m a baby when I’m sick, I called my mom and she drove into the city to meet me as soon as I was done with x-rays. (I swear I’m an adult).

Thankfully, nothing is broken or fractured, though I’m still not sure what that ‘pop’ was in my ribs. Seems like I just severely tore/aggravated/inflammed the muscles around and in between my ribs after being weakened from the accident. It still really hurts, especially when moving from side to side when sleeping, and I can’t really cough or breathe deeply without feeling aggravation.

I’m no doctor, but this is where it hurts on my left side. Darn intercostals.

So, it’s been nearly 3 weeks since my accident, and thus, 3 weeks in which I haven’t done any type of exercise. Given that it still hurts to walk and breathe, I don’t think I’ll be returning to running anytime soon…

It’s also been 1 year since I last ran a race (Boston 2 Big Sur), which is probably the longest period since I started running 13 years ago. Depressing, to say the least. Due to crazy busyness/stress, I pulled out of Chicago ’12 in mid-August because I couldn’t handle high volume training at the time. I had to skip a few winter tune-up races and the NYC Half because of the stupid IT/knee issues, and I definitely won’t be able to run (even for fun!) the Brooklyn Half.

So many race fees down the drain, so many doctor’s co-pays, so many depressing thoughts and feelings of helplessness. It’s been a not-so-great year on the running front (and my bank account), to say the least.

At least I have a bit of time on my side, for now. While I’d like to be spending May building a semi-solid running base to kick off training for Chicago ’13 instead of on my couch, realistically I have until June to really start laying the foundation with 4 months out. I won’t attempt to run or exercise until the pain is fully gone. It’s also still too soon to tell if anything else is out of whack or misaligned from the accident that could pop up once I start running.

But I have my health, and I know that the accident could have been so much worse if the driver was going faster, he hit me at a different angle, I fell differently, etc. It also happened the day after the Boston Marathon, which really put everything in perspective. I will run again, it’s just a matter of when and how fast. ‘Till then, you can find me walking slowly, consuming mass amounts of froyo and margaritas, and watching terrible TV re-runs.

And yes, the bike came away entirely unscathed

I returned to running kinda gradually, and got back into workouts when I felt more confident, as my knee/leg issues seemed to be getting better. I felt in tune with my body and the lessening pain, and felt I could do a mix of running and cross-training, and with continued icing, foam rolling & stretching, the pain would gradually work itself out. And it seemed to be getting better, so I kept at it.

Until one day, after a workout and a ‘long’ run, my legs were super tight. Typically, an easy shake out run and a day or two of rest works out the stiffness for me– tight legs and sore muscles are common, and a given when increasing training load. But when things still felt off almost a week later, I knew something wasn’t right. I was clearly altering my gait to compensate for the pain, creating tightness and stiffness in entirely new areas unrelated to the knee/hip pain I’ve been dealing with for 2 months now.

About 1.5 weeks ago, I completed one of my favorite CPTC workouts– 8 miles, 4 at marathon pace and 4 at half-marathon pace. While my paces weren’t even close to my norms, which I’m OK with and respect, the bigger red flag was the leg stiffness that prevented me from opening my stride and settling into a rhythm. It felt like every step forward required SO much effort and balance, and I was totally limping on our cooldown. I rested on Friday, and decided to meet up with friends to shake it out on Saturday morning.

About 5 miles into that run, I called it quits. My leg, typically stiff to start but eases up after I warm up, wasn’t cooperating. I hung my head and had a total runner’s walk of shame the entire mile from Central Park to my apartment. It was cold, just starting to drizzle, and miserable. I resisted shedding some tears from frustration, and resigned myself to the fact that I just need to stop running until my leg gets 100% better.

I had been gearing up into workouts and regular runs in hope I could do the NYC Half as a workout and potentially get fit to PR by the Brooklyn Half in May. At this point, I know neither of those goals are attainable. I started to see a new doctor upon Kelly’s recommendation, for ART, Graston and chiropractic adjustments. My old PT didn’t do any of these things so I’m hopeful.

If I’m being honest, these past 9-10 months have been really defeating. Mentally, physically. The last race I ran was the Big Sur Marathon at the end of April ’12– though that was more of a run than a race, as with the ‘speed can kill’ Boston Marathon inferno last April as well. That’s a long time for me!

For someone who has been running seriously for the last 12 years, I have come to define myself as a runner. I feel most like myself when I am fit and cranking out long runs, workouts, and racing. I measure confidence and success by these runs and race results. I don’t just run to run, I run to run fast. And not being able to do so has me a bit depressed. Who am I?

I took a break this summer/early fall due to travel and stress demands. For my sanity and my health, that was the best decision for me at the time and while it was personally sad not running Chicago ’12, I don’t regret it one bit. Along the way, some weird health issues that I’m still trying to figure out have me feeling (and looking) totally unlike myself; I initially felt like I could get physically fit again through training but it’s pretty clear to me that I need to take some medical steps to make things normal again. And then there’s the knee/leg issue that’s been persistently bothering me since before Christmas. Set back after set back after set back. I don’t even want to calculate the amount of $$ I’ve spent in registration fees for races I haven’t run and continued doctor’s co-pays.

And yet, because I’m an optimist and I need to picture a light at the end of this funky tunnel, on February 19th I found myself cursing Active.com and accidentally registering twice for this race.

Chicago Marathon, I’m coming for you again! Thankful I decided to register before it turned into a lottery.

Call it silly based on how the last year has unfolded for me; the negative voice in me thinks I just need a true break from running and need to accept I’ve peaked and I’ll never get faster than my 3:03 at NYC ’11. I’m determined to try to take the right steps to sort things out, get healthy, get fit, and continue my quest at sub-3:00. I’m only 25 (26 in about 2 weeks) and know beyond a lifetime of running, I better still have a few good years of competition ahead of me.

It’s still so early, and I need to be realistic with what I can achieve, but I owe it to myself to go for it. Maybe I’ll have to end up swallowing my ego and running this race for fun (vs. DNS-ing like this year), but I need to try. For the sake of my sanity, self, and happiness. I long for the feeling of a solid training cycle and successful race– where you’re truly challenged, motivated and driven throughout the process and accomplished post-race. I know I shouldn’t let running define me and dictate my happiness so much, but at this point in my life it’s still something I love and a passion point for me.

So, I’ll be working on getting myself healthy and back to baseline. I don’t know when I’ll return to running, but I’m going to be patient and cross-train until I feel fully confident there is no pain. If you’re still reading this long rambling after my once-a-month sporadic posting schedule, you rock. I’ll admit this has been a long, frustrating struggle but I’m hanging in to get back and better, and I thank you for checking on on my progress (or lack thereof).

Welp, one month later I can see that I was entirely wrong. This stupid knee issue continues, but I’m happy to report I’m making progress and actually kinda enjoying cross-training.

Thanks to a few free class credits (lucky/weird), I totally drank the SoulCycle kool aid and love it. It’s like a sweaty, endorphin-filled dance party. Sorry haters, hate on. While I’ve been three times so far, including a class with Ali, I don’t understand how people pay that much to do it regularly (Though I’d probably pay to be in shirtless Bradley Cooper’s class). I think I might try it once a month because it makes me feel downright awesome. #treatyoself.

I’ve also been hitting up good ole New York Sports Club regularly for spinning classes with Kelly who has also been sidelined from the bridle path temporarily. Injuries make me glad I didn’t cancel my previously-rarely-used gym membership. I think we’ve tried and tested just about every 6:30 am spin instructor by now. After spinning, I’ve been spending about 30 minutes stretching and pretending to lift weights and do PT exercises before showering and going to work. I’m so over gym showers and their terrible blow dryers.

And I’ve also done a free class (and have another free class tomorrow– East Coast vs. West Coast hip hop rideeeee) at Revolve Fitness. It’s kinda like SoulCycle, but less dance-party-esque but still a good workout. I love these fancy spinning classes, but really only when I can do it for free and I can’t spend my energy running.

My training log is sad, and I still haven’t gotten around to re-adjusting my “Goal weekly mileage” totals. It’s safe to say at this rate, I’ll be able to run the NYC Half-Marathon on 3/17, but any PR attempt is out the window.

Yay for signing up for races I can’t do. I just took advantage of the unlimited beer at the finish.

When injured, some people turn to cross-training like crazy and hit the gym, bike, pool, elliptical, etc. for hours to make up for an equivalent effort not running. I am not one of those people. Kudos to you who are! Sure, I’ve been trying to get to the gym most days and have a newfound love for spinning, but I definitely think I could be doing more to maintain or gain fitness. That’s why I’ve been hitting up classes, because otherwise I’d never push myself on the bike or elliptical.

While cross-training certainly has its benefits, I believe that if you’re training for a running race, you should spend the majority of your time running. When you can’t run, cross-training is the next best thing by default. But I believe that a 45 minute spin class, no matter how sweaty, doesn’t deliver the same running fitness gains. Someone once told me that for every minute run, you should double that time to get the equivalent running effort. Whether or not that’s true, that’s a lot of time I don’t have…

Maybe I’m lazy. Maybe I’m unmotivated. Maybe I’m playing it safe. I know I’m not doing all I can to get back in shape by 3/17, but I really have no desire (or time) to spend like 2 hours at the gym daily to maintain or build my endurance right now. This stupid knee has really knocked out the positive mojo I had leading into 2013. I feel like I took two steps back during the month of January.

I can’t blame my loss of fitness entirely on my knee. I did aim to take responsibility for my actions this year. Remember?

I can’t change my knee pain (to an extent). I could cross-train more or harder. But honestly, I don’t feel like it. So I’m changing my attitude and not letting myself get down by it and being realistic about what I can accomplish. This race, though my favorite, is just one day. I’m going to set my sights on another half marathon in May (probably Brooklyn because it doesn’t involve travel) and work towards getting healthy and fit for that.

In good news, I AM slowly returning to running. About 2 weeks ago, I tried walking/running a few miles during the Run to the Brewery 10 miler in Long Island. The out and back course made it easy to do as much/little as I needed to, so I probably ended up covering around 7 miles total while running 4 of the miles on and off. I didn’t want to be too late to the beer at the finish. Priorities. Last week, I tried running 3 miles easily but the cold weather seemed to make my knee lock up a bit more and everything felt sore and tight afterwards.

And then I spent 27 hours in Orlando for work, 1 hour of which I got to spend outside. I also forgot to pack sneakers so there was no working out (darn.)

Yesterday, I decided to reunite with my running buds for our usual Tuesday morning runs. It had been nearly a month and I missed them! The roads were a bit slick due to the rain/slush that fell Monday night so we tried to take it easy before heading to the bridle for some intervals. I didn’t feel confident to test my knee with the uneven footing and mud/ice mixture, so I called it quits after two. Related: I am totally out of shape and wanted to die during the 1200 and 1000 intervals I did do. Nonetheless, my knee held up OK with some lingering soreness/tightness. Mostly, it felt good to be back for my first ‘real’ run and it’s a starting point.

I’ll probably stick to running once more this week, and spinning the rest of the days. Maybe next week I’ll work up to 3 days of running if it feels OK!

‘Till next time, when I can hopefully share a not-so-depressing update about how I’m back hitting the roads and rocking it.

Right before Christmas, I just finished an 11 mile run in Central Park, doing part of it with Nicole. We averaged around a 7:30 pace, which was quicker than I’d been used to but felt surprisingly fine! I brought my credit card to run errands at Duane Reade on my way home, and recall feeling a slight twinge in the back of my knee as I stood in line to pay. I didn’t think much of it and just tried to stretch, but it was a bit nagging.

The next few days, the pain moved from the back of my knee to the inside of my knee, but it was just annoying, not debilitating. I could tell it was throwing my gait slightly, but usually went away once I warmed up a bit. I ran 39 miles the week of Christmas, my highest so far, and I figured the weird twinges would work themselves out.

On New Year’s Eve day, I ran in the park with Terence and Noelle. The pain was much stronger and didn’t go away the entire run. I decided to take New Year’s Day off to rest (well planned…) and hit the roads on Weds the 2nd with Alex and Meredith. That was the last time I really ran. The pain had traveled to the front of my knee cap, and hurt when I walked and especially up and down stairs. Eeek. It even hurt when I was out at the bar dancing…that’s when you know it’s bad.

I took 5 days completely off exercise of any type. Considering it hurt to walk, I couldn’t exactly cross train! Annoying, but I kinda welcomed the laziness.

I finally saw a doctor on Monday the 7th, who didn’t really have a firm diagnosis for me but ruled out tendon/ligament damage and thought more rest and icing would help the inflammation. And it has, generally. Now that the pain has disappeared from my knee cap (but is still present on the inside of my knee), it doesn’t hurt to walk anymore. I’ve begun to cross-train, which I hate. If I can’t run, I am really lazy and can never motivate myself to get in an equivalent hard effort on the bike or elliptical or pool. Meh.

Pain=near the medial retinaculum

I saw a PT on Friday who cleared me to try running on a treadmill (because you use less effort to propel yourself forward) in quarter mile increments, alternating running and walking for 2-3 miles max. The weirdness is still there, but it is much milder and definitely dissipated once I got going. And it was really, really boring.

I think it’s always hard to tell what to do when faced with strange pain: is it the onset of an injury, or can I work through this? If I stopped running every time something hurt, I’d run a lot less miles. I’m really frustrated, because I felt like I was finally getting back into a groove of running regularly and working out. I purposefully ran semi-regularly most of the fall so that when I started to train for the NYC Half-Marathon, I’d have a decent base and prevent injury. Plus it’s been weirdly warm-ish lately and I can’t take advantage of it!

It’s also not the end of the world. Yeah, I’m losing the little fitness I did have, but I do have confidence I’ll be back (outside!) running soon. I just need to be patient and not stubborn. It also could be far worse. While I might not be in peak shape for the NYC Half, maybe I can set my sights on another half in April or May to use as a goal race instead.

So, there’s the update! Here’s to hoping the pain goes away soon…

Any advice? What do you do when you feel a potential injury coming on?

Home with the fattest cat in the world, Sushi

I came back into the city yesterday afternoon and headed over to Alex & Steve’s apartment for a few drinks before the 2nd Annual CPTC Ugly Sweater Party! I missed it last year, and was excited to don my festive vest I purchased for 99 cents on eBay.

And now, I’m ready to spend New Year’s Eve in NYC with friends; I haven’t spent NYE here sine ’09/’10 actually. Because I tend to feel a little bit more introspective around New Year’s, I’ll do another “reflections post“. I enjoy looking back, reading these, and seeing how things have changed (or not).

At the end of 2010, a lot had changed in my life and I felt weirdly in transition– as do most 23 year olds bridging the gap between college life and ‘real’ life. And 2011 brought even more changes, as I started a new job, joined CPTC, ran my 2nd marathon, and re-started and subsequently ended a nearly 6 year relationship. It was a hard year, especially from October-December, but I was happy and excited to grow with all the changes and challenges.

As I kicked off 2012, I was in a really good place. New Year’s Eve was great and I set a lot of goals for 2012. For the first half of the year, I was incredibly optimistic, being more spontaneous and putting myself out there in ways I probably wouldn’t have done before. I was kicking butt in running, work was going well, and I was having fun. And then somewhere along the way, I got a little lost. 

It kind of happened gradually, and I didn’t do much to stop it. I got overwhelmed with work. I didn’t know how to properly manage my stress. I was trying to do too much, and not sleeping nearly enough (I need a lot of sleep). I was trying to marathon train while traveling ‘Up In The Air’-style and not taking care of myself. I was away from home more weekends in Spring/Summer than I was home. I wasn’t happy with how I looked and really didn’t feel like myself. I developed bad habits that just made things worse.

After feeling crappy all summer, I got multiple rounds of blood work done in the fall and while my cortisol (stress hormone) was elevated and I showed a gluten sensitivity, follow-up visits to doctors and endocrinologists were pretty inconclusive. While of course I’m happy that nothing is terribly wrong, a small part of me wanted to hear that there was a diagnosis or reason why I feel so weird. I’ll admit it, it’s easier to place blame on something than accept it yourself.

A lot of the year was just a blur; I don’t know what I did or how I really felt. I was passive in my own life, not doing things or just putting them off for when I felt better. Old pictures, blog posts, conversations, memories serve to remind me how unhappy, frustrated, and void I was…or am.

But I think that’s dumb, and I’m over feeling that way. It’s stupid to wish for stuff to happen but not actually take the steps to make it happen. It’s ridiculous to expect things to just get better overnight. I need to stop complaining about things that are wrong if I’m not doing anything to actively CHANGE them.

Wake-up call, Lindsay. Stop doing the same stuff and expecting different results.

I was (am?) in a funk. I’m realizing that I can’t control a lot of what stresses me out, but I can control how I let it affect me or how I deal with it.

Stressed out about how busy work is? Stop checking Facebook & Twitter every hour and focus instead of staying late. Overly tired and need more sleep? Don’t stay up an extra hour to watch my DVR-ed episode of Teen Mom 2 (guilty). Feeling left out of plans? Go ahead and initiate hanging out with people for a change. Unhappy with how out of running shape I am? Step out of my comfort zone and start getting back into workouts and races. Frustrated at the weight I’ve gained? Just eat when I’m hungry and stop when I’m full, and stop mindless eating out of stress or boredom. Feeling like there is no time to do everything? Relax and breathe, not everything needs to be done right away, right now. And maybe stop wasting the time I do have on Facebook, seriously.

I’m unsure of the point of this post, besides being a bit stereotypical “New Year’s Eve reflections-esque” (is that a phrase?) and overloaded with positive quotes I found on Pinterest, but I’m ready to start changing how I interpret, act on, and manage things in life.

I know in the grand scheme of the world my problems are insignificant; people suffered great tragedy and much worse in 2012. But this is my life and I’m going to feel the way I feel. And I don’t like the way I feel, so I’m going to take it day-by-day and step-by-step to make it better, instead of sitting idly wondering why things aren’t changing.

“Without action, you aren’t going anywhere.”

Well I’m lacing up my sneakers and I’m ready to hit the ground running in 2013. Cheers!

My new couch and little Manhattan christmas tree brings joy, too.

But yesterday, I donned my holiday best and joined thousands of others to roam the city in festive garb for Santacon. It’s my fourth year doing Santacon (whoa, time flies) and my fourth year being a reindeer. Ho ho ho! And all the sudden, Christmas started to feel a little closer.

Despite barhopping yesterday for 12 straight hours (seriously how did I last that long?), I woke up this morning feeling not-too-terrible and decided a hangover-clearing run would make me feel a little less gross. It was misting/raining and I didn’t have any mileage/time in mind, just wanted to sweat it out.

A few minutes in, my mind wandered and I started feeling pretty crappy about myself and my running. I still feel off and I’m tired all the time. While it’s starting to get easier to get in my mileage especially when I meet up with friends to run, I just want to feel like my old fit competitive self. I know it’s still early and I don’t need to start killing myself, but I do need to start sucking it up and getting in some basic workouts and pushing myself on runs a bit more.

So I headed into the park and to my favorite trusty solo workout, Central Park’s lower loops. (No really, I’ve professed my love here, remember this awesome workout last winter, and here’s one of the 1st times I ever did this workout, early blog/pre-Garmin days.)

Consistency is my strong suit. While the pace was nothing special for me and actually I thought I was going to die or my legs were going to fall off, I’m proud that I completed it all without stopping short. It felt good to push, even though I wasn’t really able to drop the pace at the end.

Still, doubt creeped into my mind at the end. “How are you going to run 13.1 miles under 6:25 pace in just 3 months?” Honestly, I don’t know. That felt hard, guys. But I need to start somewhere; this is where I am today, but it doesn’t have to be where I am in a few months.

What else have I been up to? This past Thursday was our company holiday party. Even though it was just at our office, it ended up being a blast! The highlight was by far the food and drinks (oh, maybe too many drinks…), talent show, and watching this amazing Rock Center with Brian Williams segment live, alongside Hamdi himself.

Click to watch!

If you know me personally, you know I can talk about yogurt for days and days and think my job is the coolest. BUT I really encourage you all to just watch this video. And then you’ll get it. The company went from startup to a $1 billion business in only five years. It’s a crazy story, but really not so crazy when you get to know Hamdi. He’s an incredibly humble yet visionary Founder and CEO, and sharing the moment to watch the clip alongside my colleagues was truly special.

And last weekend, I kept busy through friends’ holiday parties on the Upper West Side and Brooklyn, a friend’s bridal shower in NJ, and volunteering at the Girls on the Run 5k on Randall’s Island.

Ely, in the middle, is getting married 2 months from today!

This was my first time volunteering as a running buddy, and it was amazing. My girls finished strong and happy, with a bit of a ‘sprint as fast as you can and then get too tired and walk’ pacing strategy, often linking arms to run 3 across. They were both too cute (and knew the Gangnam Style dance, whaaaa?), and one said “I never thought I’d actually be doing this. I just thought it’d be a dream! But this is real!” She repeatedly called us ‘Thunder and Lightning’. Girls on the Run is an incredible organization and I really wish I could commit time to coach. I hope I’m free to volunteer for the Spring 5K, too!

And now, I’m going to go curl up on my comfy couch, bask in my Christmas lights, and try to fall asleep at a ridiculously early hour to get ahead of a busy week. Sunday funday.

How are you getting in the holiday spirit?

I know it’s a bit belated, but (obviously) I’m back from spending Thanksgiving in Santa Barbara, CA and still can’t get over how amazingly relaxing and fun it was. I turned off my work email the second I boarded the plane on Wednesday (at 6:30 a.m. OMG early) and didn’t turn it back on until Sunday night right before I took the redeye home. I didn’t set an alarm the entire vacation, and slept the best I’ve slept in… a long time. Feeling rested, tuning out and truly being ‘present’ really allowed me to destress and turn off my brain for a bit. It was lovely.

For the third year, we stayed at the Hotel Oceana which is located right on the beach. I began each morning with an easy run along the beach path, usually around 30 minutes, and ate a leisurely breakfast outside in the sun. I just wanted to kickstart my day with a little sweat, but mostly just to take advantage of these gorgeous views.

We’d then go over to my aunt and uncle’s house, spending some quality time hanging out with the whole family, and (regrettably) teaching my Grandma how to use Facebook and Instagram on her iPad. Yup, needed a few glasses of wine during and after that lesson…

The whole family

Now that my sister and cousins are over 21,we enjoyed a fun night out in Santa Barbara on Friday…followed by a tipsy walk home along the beach.

Yes, I am short. I also think I was the only one not in heels.

We had an incredible Thanksgiving, followed by 2 days of leftovers. Which basically meant a full Thanksgiving 3 days in a row…and it was amazing. I think I could eat turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie and drink wine 365 days a year and be perfectly happy.

But now I’m back to reality in chilly NYC, trying to get back into the routine of getting myself out the door to run most days. Since it’s been a while since I’ve followed any sort of ‘plan’, I’m kind of struggling with running 5-6 days a week again and getting my mileage up. Lately, I’ve been doing around 4-5 days a week but at least 1 or 2 of those days is something easy like 2 miles before I pretend to lift at the gym. Somehow I can’t even seem to get to 30 miles per week, a relatively low number that always has been pretty easy to exceed.

Quite honestly, it’s just so much nicer to sleep in or be lazy or let early mornings/late nights at work get in the way. I need to remind myself that generally, I feel better after starting my morning with a few miles. It’s true, I rarely regret getting up and out the door. I’m more awake and feel better throughout the day. But my runs have been really slow and drag on, and I sometimes wonder how I’ll get back to the point where hitting 50+ mpw with workouts and long runs ain’t no thang.

Most of my runs have been pretty unremarkable, hovering around a comfortable 8:00 min. pace (which I’d like to work on bringing down), but there have been a few good days here and there!

The day before I left for Thanksgiving, I worked from my house in NJ and went for a nice mid-afternoon run to break up the day. I ran one of my favorite routes through a few parks and started pushing the pace without realizing it. 8 miles later, I hit an average of 7:21 pace with the last 3 miles at 7:09, 7:08 and 6:55. It was hard, but in that awesomely-uncomfortable way that I haven’t felt in a while.

And on Thursday of this week, I decided to attempt a solo workout just to get my legs moving a bit. It was nothing special, I just did 2x 1 loop of the Central Park reservoir (~1.58 miles) with .5 jog between. I hovered around 6:45 and 6:40 pace, which is a bit depressing since I used to be able to maintain that for 8 mile tempos (lolz) and I wanted to die after just 1 loop, but any easily-digestible workout is good right now.

And today I did my longest run in quite a while! I started out with Veronica and Meredith, then hopped back on the bridle after they peeled off, running into Nicole and Sarah for a few more miles. The run ended up flying by, ending up at my apartment 11.25 miles later. Running with people will always beat running solo.

My goals for this upcoming week include:

• Unpack my suitcase from last week (I know, I know…)
• Get my couch delivered (Friday!) and find a coffee table
• Buy a real Christmas tree and lights, and decorate my apartment
• Run at least 30 miles and rest up before a busy weekend that includes not one but TWO! friends’ Christmas parties, Ely’s bridal shower, and volunteering as a running buddy at Girls on the Run 5K!

Anyways, thanks so much for the kind welcome back to blogging. It always amazes me that anyone actually reads this, and actually cares about my ramblings of running mile after mile (or, more recently, not running). It’s awesome and I truly appreciate the support!

While I’m still in the stage where I’m running however long I want to, when I want to, I’ve been looking towards the future and mapping out a racing calendar to get motivated. In fact, I haven’t raced since Boston or Big Sur in April. Before my big goal race in March, most of these races below will serve as training workouts to get me back in the racing game, mentally more than physically.

January 5th: Joe Kleinerman 10K

• Because I hate racing 10Ks and can’t think of a better way to torture myself after the holidays and New Years. Self-inflicted hazing?

January 19th: Sayville Running Company 10 Mile Run to the Brewery

• My friend Veronica actually won it last year (badass!) and mentioned it’d be fun to do. My friend Terence lives in Sayville, so a few of us are going to go out to his house and make a weekend of it. A race that ends at a brewery with free beer…sign me up! (Says the girl who is supposed to be avoiding gluten, whoops.)

January 27th: Manhattan Half-Marathon

• ‘Cause what’s more fun than paying to run 2 loops of hilly Central Park in the winter? I kinda bandited part of this race 2 years ago when it was 14 degrees as part of a long training run, willingly, because I was so crazy sick of running alone. Will probably be my first really ‘long’ tempo effort.

Something Awesome in February

• I want to run the Cherry Tree 10 Miler again in Brooklyn, but I’m pretty sure it’ll fall on President’s Day weekend when my friend Ely is getting married back at Villanova (!!!!!), which is 10x more fun than any race. Open to suggestions for something else fun during this month!

March 17th: NYC Half-Marathon

• Quite simply, I love this race. Haters can hate on NYRR and the ridiculously steep price tag (my bank account sure does), but I have such happy memories associated with this race and can’t wait to do it again, especially with a new (hopefully faster) course since I last did it in 2011. I didn’t run it last year because I got back from a work trip reallllllly late the night before, and was in the midst of Boston training. This will be my big Spring 2013 goal race. It just feels right. My story…
  • It was my very first post-collegiate race (and first half-marathon!) back in 2010. After 8 straight years of training and competing regularly in high school and college, I was still in that weird “kinda burnt out on racing and don’t know if I want to do this anymore” phase. I hadn’t raced in almost a year, and had never raced anything over a 6K in my life, so I didn’t do any workouts and went in with minimal pressure on myself. While I ran 1:29 and accomplished my goal of auto-qualifying for the NYC Marathon, more importantly, I found I really did love racing and competing again. Running was something I wanted to challenge myself with again.
  • In 2011, I had one marathon under my belt and had gotten more serious about training. I knew I could take down my 2010 time easily, but I totally underestimated myself and ran a 1:24:23, which still stands as my PR. I negative split that race and still remember how awesome it was to drop a sub-6 mile down 7th Ave and into Times Square, smiling and pushing my way down the West Side Highway. I can only hope I’ll be able to recreate that experience in March, this time a little faster.

While I haven’t signed up for the majority of these races (with exception of the NYC Half, booyah guaranteed entry), they’re on my radar and I plan to sign up as soon as registration opens, barring any work/personal plans that arise. Just mapping things out has already created some direction and re-sparked motivation that’s been lacking for quite some time. I’m not sure what’s on the horizon past mid-March, but I’ve got some ideas brewing depending on how the next few months go including (re)attempting Chicago in October if I’m feeling up to it.

While looking ahead to these races and how I’ll get fit again and train to PR, I’m trying very hard not to get frustrated with the health problems I’ve been having. I know my body and myself and can tell something has been off for a while. I had a good visit to an endocrinologist at NYU last week, and while it means multiple blood tests to look into a few things, I’m hopeful we’ll get a little closer to figuring it out once the results are back. I want to get back to competing at my best, but my body isn’t at its best right now. And honestly, it feels a bit out of my control to get it back to its best until I figure out what’s medically wrong. Until then, trying not to Google-diagnose myself with a billion different things…

No, but really.

Happy Thanksgiving, all! I’ll be enjoying a few well-deserved days off work with the family, eating turkey and drinking wine to my heart’s content. And you should, too!

What’s on your racing calendar? Any other fun NYC-area races you’d suggest I look into?

It’s been about 4.5 months since I’ve posted, which means a lot has passed and I’m not sure where to start.

Though the race happened a month ago, I guess it’s worth sharing that I didn’t run the Chicago Marathon. 

Guys, this summer was crazy. Crazy busy, crazy exciting, crazy stressful. I don’t know how else to really convey it. When I last updated, it was mid-June and I had spent the majority of that month and the one before traveling. And I was tired and slowly getting into shape, but that was just the start of the end. I spent the better parts of July and August traveling, including weekends. I was away more days in August than I was actually home. When I was in the midst of it, I knew it was crazy and I was all over the place, but I don’t think I fully wrapped my head around how intense it was until I looked back at it.

I’m used to having a lot on my plate. I tend to thrive on it, actually. But I don’t always handle stress well. When it gets too much, I internalize it instead of working through it. I feel like I stew in my own thoughts and get paralyzed to take action, which only makes things worse. I felt like I never had a solid night’s sleep because I was constantly having stress dreams. It’s a good problem to have when your company is growing so quickly, there’s SO much (too much!) to do and tackle– and I want to make it clear that I’m not trying to complain about that, because I 110% love my job and wouldn’t trade it for the world, I’m just stating that it was hectic. Most everyone at my company experienced the same whirlwind…that still continues.

To give you an idea of the crazy excitement: in the span of just one week we opened a retail store (Chobani SoHo–you must go!), debuted our Olympics commercial and put on a huge local community celebration in Central NY (yes, exactly like the Olympics commercial), hosted a ribbon-cutting ceremony w/ elected officials at the store, and I left to go to London for 2 weeks…for the Olympics.

Oh yeah, I went to the Olympics for work and it was the most amazing experience and one I will never forget. Maybe more on that later…

Right. So why didn’t I run Chicago? I’ve always held a full-time job and marathon trained, NBD. My training log in June and July pretty much tells the story. “Tired” might be the most frequently used adjective to describe the bulk of my runs and “workouts.” There are some “terrible“s in there, too. I was doing OK at hitting my weekly mileage, but the time I left for London was when I needed to start bumping it up.

Before I left for London, I told friends and family I wasn’t sure how I felt about doing Chicago. At that point in time, my body needed the extra hours of sleeping, not hours of running. I wasn’t excited to lace up my sneakers and run, and that’s usually the biggest red flag for me. I decided I’d use London as a test: often times I actually enjoy running more when traveling more because I love running in different cities and schedules tend to be a bit more flexible out-of-office.

Well, you can see how that turned out. I had been getting weird knee/IT pain that wasn’t debilitating, but awkwardly affected my gait. I was staying up way too late to tackle work on NYC time, then waking up 4 or 5 hours later to get my run in before starting the day’s events on London time. I. was. exhausted. Something had to give, as I mentioned back in June, that something wouldn’t be my job.

I remember the moment I was walking on Knightsbridge going from one meeting to the next, rushing to make it. I had struggled through my planned 8 mile run that morning and could only do 4 miles at a ridiculously slow pace. I called my mom and said “I’m not running the Chicago Marathon” and simultaneously burst into tears and felt a wave of relief rush over me. I couldn’t help feel like I was giving up on myself, but I knew it was the right decision.

Yeah, I could have still done the race and finished. But for me, that’s not why I race marathons. I know myself, I know I’m competitive and I’m not going to toe the line for 26.2 unless I know I’m able to give my all. I signed up for Chicago to break 3:00, and it just wasn’t going to happen this year.

I accepted it, and I moved past it. This year wasn’t my year, and I can say that with equal parts heartbreak and acceptance. I still continued to run lightly when I got home from traveling. I was in such a funk from being away from home for 16 days, I felt like if I stopped running entirely, I’d dig myself deeper into a funk. For a good month or so, I only ran to meet up with other people since that was the only time I was excited to run. Weirdly, that ended up being workouts and long runs, not easy runs. Fine by me, I just needed to get back to the point where running wasn’t another stressor in my life and I looked forward to it again.

I had mixed feelings when October 7th rolled around. I was in Philadelphia for work as I tracked my friend and training partner Alex, who rocked her way with a slight negative split to 2:58:41. I was so excited and proud of her! A 5 minute PR! Once that sunk in, I was naturally bummed I wasn’t there racing alongside her like we planned, and then I got a bit hopeful because I know I’m capable of that too…one day.

It’s hard to describe, but for quite some time since early summer I just haven’t felt like myself. I attribute most of this to the travel and lack of routine. I can confidently say I severely underestimated the effects both stress and lack of sleep have on my body. I’ve gained a good 12 pounds from my normal weight, which is a lot for me since I’m only 5’3″ and my weight typically stays within the same ~5lb. fluctuation. I got bloodwork done and I have an extremely elevated cortisol level (which is a hormone released in response to stress), for which I’m going to see an endocrinologist next week to start to figure out. My primary care doctor said elevated cortisol can often lead to weight gain, among other things.

The blood test also showed a high intolerance to gluten. I don’t have Celiac disease, but I’ve since cut out gluten from my diet for about 1.5 months now, and I already notice a positive difference. I had been getting really terrible and unusual stomachaches, but assumed they were from weird or rich foods from traveling, and my thoughts were constantly foggy/not cohesive, which I assumed were from lack of sleep. Both of these things have pretty much subsided now. I’d also say part of the reason I’m feeling better is because I’m eating less processed foods/desserts (gluten is in everything), but I’m going to keep consistent at it anyways. It’s not too hard for me, and I do notice a positive difference so it makes it easy to continue.

So what’s next? Since the middle of August, I’ve just been running however much I want to, when I want to. Some weeks, that’s around 30 miles, and others, it’s around 10. I haven’t even been keeping a log. I’m working at losing the weight I’ve gained, which isn’t going too successfully because I’ve never tried to lose weight before. I’m running by myself more frequently. I’m even going to the gym to lift and do core work! And most importantly, I’m starting to get excited about lacing up my sneakers again, and that’s all I can ask for at this time. So thanks for continuing to read (if you’re still out there!). As I get back into blogging, I’ve got some exciting news to share next time about some winter/spring races I’ve registered for already…yay!

But with <4 months until the Chicago Marathon, I’ve slowly but surely started easing back into training. I had been running on and off in late May, never more than 30 minutes or so. I gave myself until Memorial Day weekend to run only when I wanted to, and then started keeping track of my mileage and forcing myself out the door more diligently.

Running in Seattle. Easy to rise early with a view like this!

Getting back in shape is …humbling. It’s extremely frustrating to struggle through easy runs, and tempting to just sleep in when a few miles at a sluggishly slow pace doesn’t seem worth lacing up for. Most days, I don’t even bother to wear my Garmin because I don’t care to compare my pace or distance.

But I’m used to this period, and know that being diligent and getting in a base will pay off. Soon enough, runs will become easier and my pace will get faster. I’ll dive right back into workouts and feel strong instead of wiped out. Getting back into shape can be discouraging but I just try to push those thoughts aside and continue to put in the miles, no matter how slow. Consistency and working through this tough phase is key. I think this is where newer runners get discouraged and quit. And I totally get it, running really sucks when you’re not in shape!

I’ve started to build out my Chicago Marathon training plan loosely, but still need to work out a few details. Here are the nuts & bolts:

• One rest day: Running 6 days a week, with 1 total rest day, works well to give my legs & mind a break
• Cut-back weeks: I found that cut-back weeks every 3/4 weeks really help build up mileage without becoming too fatigued or overwhelmed. I am going to try to time these around busy work/travel weeks, if it’s possible to sync up.
• Peaking at 75+ miles: Slowly but surely, I’m increasing my mileage loads. In college, it was 50-55 or so. For NYC 2010, I peaked at 66.5. For NYC 2011, I peaked at 70.5; For Boston, 72. I am hoping to get in a good solid weeks at 65-70 and then cap it out at 75. While this isn’t a lot compared to other marathoners, honestly, it comes down to not having enough time (& energy!) to do much more.
• Structured Mon-Sun weeks: I used to always chart my weekly milage like a traditional calendar, Sun-Sat. This made swapping long runs between Saturday and Sunday each week tricky, as the weekly totals would be wacky. Adding my weeks Mon-Sun just makes it simpler. Rocket science.
• Strength Training: I know I say this every training cycle, but I am going to make a more concentrated effort at strength training and core work. I know it makes me feel (and look!) better but it’s the first thing to go through the window when my mileage increases. I need to stop making excuses and just do it. Thanks, Nike.

Honestly, I’m a little nervous about squeezing in a solid block of marathon training amidst a busy summer. My weeks and weekends are just about booked up until mid-August. Whoa. Work is incredibly excitingly busy (thanks, Ali) and most days I’m extremely overwhelmed and overtired and stressed. But I’m finally doing something I love and am so passionate about, the long hours, insane travel, and demands are so worth it. I’m someone who does not function well on little sleep, and I’m already feeling the effects. Something has to give.

And that something can’t be my job. I recently got an exciting promotion (yay!) and will be slowly transitioning onto more of a PR role versus straight digital communications. Of course, the two will always be intertwined but I’m excited to start to handle more day to day media relations. There’s so much opportunity to grow in my role which is tremendously exciting and terribly overwhelming at the same time. I have faith that I’ll figure it out and still have time to pursue other goals of mine: like running and maintaining a good life balance.

So I hope you’ll keep coming back and checking in, even though posting might get a little less frequent. I barely have time to do laundry most weeks, let alone write a substantial post. But I enjoy writing as an outlet and way to track my training and connect with others, so I’ll still be here!

Next week, I’m headed to Houston for about 24 hours and then straight to Eugene the 27th-2nd– that’s right, a perk of my job is being lucky enough to get to work at the Track & Field Trials. A runnerds dream. I’m excited since it’s my first trip to Eugene, and while I’ll be tied up with work most days, I hope I can catch a race or two, or at least get to hang with some college friends who are racing. Stay tuned as I make it my goal to stalk some Olympians. Kidding. Kind of…