I am a planner. I don’t need to have structure, but I like to have an idea of what’s on my plate so I can control it as much I can to balance my priorities and do my best at each. Running helps me feel in control. I can’t control how I will feel each day, but I can control how fast I go, how far I go, and at what time and on which days I run. When I have a big milestone coming up, like the NYC Marathon, I like familiarity and routine to stabilize my life and maximize success; sleep well, eat right, rest my legs, minimize stress. Remember when I said that was my plan for the taper?
The reality is, life can’t always be controlled. I’m going through a major transitional time right now– some great, and some not so great– which makes life more complicated than I expected it to be just days and weeks out from the race. It’s also a reminder I need to let go and chill a little, sometimes.
The positive things (an amazing new job!) have been so exciting and energizing, though in turn have made last week and this week very busy and stressful as I wind down my current role and get ready to spring into a new career on November 1st. Even though I am so thankful and eager to start the new opportunity, this week has already called for lots of stress, long(er) hours at work, and lost sleep. No complaints, just a fact.
On the negative side, I’ve been going through some big personal changes which have left me full of anxiety and stress. I’m very down emotionally, when my self-confidence should be highest going into race day. My sleep quality has been extremely poor and my appetite is shot, though I am trying to take care of myself and fuel for the race. I feel exhausted and defeated, and I don’t know how I am going to rebuild myself to 110% before November 6th.
I don’t tend to get overly personal here on the blog, as I’m a bit cautious to reveal things especially when they involve others, but maybe I will be ready to in a while. I am excited to share news about my new job, though, and plan to next week once I’ve made the transition. I hope you’ll be as excited as I am!
In the meantime, I’m going to do my best to remain flexible and positive to deal with these stresses. I know this is cliche, but I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Some things may seem like the end of the world right now, but I’ll come out the other side strong and happy soon. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other.
So that’s what I did today. In need of fresh air and a distraction, I attempted a marathon pace workout. It didn’t go well, but it could have gone worse.
I warmed up for about 2 miles, then headed to the lower loop with plans to run about 6:50 pace for 3-7 miles. After hitting the first 3 miles in 6:42, 6:47, and 6:45, I called it quits and jogged home. I felt like I could have kept going, pace-wise, but my body felt drained and over stressed. My chest was incredibly tight, and it was a bit painful to breathe. I am trying very hard not to get discouraged and instead focus on regaining my strength, but the body and mind are strongly interconnected.
Onwards and upwards! 11 days…